Guiding Light
by onomatopoetical
Summary: She was to be his light, the thing that guided him- instead she did not lift a paw to stop his descent into darkness. Refused to believe it existed. So Junipersong discovered he was a murderer... : viewpoint change of a scene in Creation of Evil


Silent paws, white as the snow that covered the ground in leaf-bare, tread carefully as the she-cat slid through the forest. Dark green eyes were narrowed as she padded forward, her mind buzzed like a bee's nest that some foolish cat had knocked into. Her heart pounded, hammered like a shower of stones endlessly pouring into some empty chasm. And that chasm was her chest, for it felt as hollow as any abyss she could ever imagine.

Junipersong, medicine cat of ThunderClan, had never been so quiet on her paws as she was in this moment. Triangular ears were angled forward, the jaws of the brown and white tabby were dropped open as she let the scent of the forest around her bathe her tongue. Familiar scents of prey caused her mouth to water, but it was not a mouse or shrew or even a rabbit that the she-cat stalked now. It was her Clan-mate, her friend… her warrior, that she carefully followed into the dark forest that night.

_StarClan, guide these paws to a harmless meeting._ She prayed with all her heart, but daren't tilt her muzzle skyward for fear of treading on a stick and alerting the black-pelted warrior she had grown so close to of her presence. He seemed occupied, his ocher colored gaze was focused on the kit that he'd lead out into the forest. _Nightrage, please let what you are doing…_

Doubt curled around her mind, furled out like some dark fern that shadowed her thoughts. Every odd comment her dear friend had spoken over the last moons, every odd glint in his handsome yellow gaze and odd expression in the face of the horrors that swept the forest- surely it wasn't _Nightrage _who was slaughtering kits as though they were nothing more than prey. No, the bodies recovered from the Clan's were described as torn apart, not even the respect that prey received was given to the children that fell to this monster's paws.

It wasn't Nightrage, it couldn't be. She tried to set herself at ease, following him that dark night. Nightrage was good, at heart. He was kind, tortured, soft, brave, protective- yes, he did possess an anger that could wash him in a tide. But did he not wield that anger in a self-righteous matter? Killing the rogues, not in cold blood, but to keep his Clan safe even though they killed the oppressive tomcat that had so tortured him for moons?

Yet doubt was still there. Waiting with a venom as potent as nightlock, like a spider in its web. Just waiting for its prey to land on the delicate strands, so it may tie it up and suck the very life from the tiny body. _Had_ rogues, in fact, killed Nightrage's father that day? Or had it been Nightrage himself, finally tired of the tomcat's abuse, who had risen up and coated his dark paws with blood? She remembered, distinctly, his return that night.

How she had pressed her nose into his fur, how it had stank of the reek of blood. How she'd heard the whispers of StarClan at her ears. _A great anger shall rise from the darkness with no light to guide it. A thirst will be born- a thirst that shall not be quenched, even in death._ She remembered, and she remembered how she'd refused to believe it to be a prophecy. To be a sign.

Not her friend. Never her dear friend. Yet as her paws pulled her closer and closer to the training hollow, as she realized that the dark pelted warrior had ceased his night-time journey, her heart was beginning to plummet. Junipersong dropped to a crouch, slid carefully forward over the grassy ground until her paws were at the very edge of the sandy hollow. Junipersong's ears twitched, angled so that she may strain to hear what it was that Nightrage was saying to the kit.

"Do you even realize what you did wrong? You caused Junipersong so much trouble…" The inky colored warrior was meowing. His paws, they'd grown broad in the time that she'd known him, stepped closer to the cowering kitten before him. She was grotesquely reminded of the first time she'd really ever talked to him.

When he'd been but a kit himself, cowering in the shadow of his father. She'd been fetching herbs, and happened to glance up and watched in shock and horror as the young Nightrage's- then Nightkit -father had beaten him nearly senseless. The reason was lost on her then, and even the black tomcat hadn't been able to supply an excuse when she wrapped healing herbs about him. Only that it was a thing that often happened.

He looked so like his father in that instant, that it sickened her to her core. If he could only _see_ the resemblance she felt for certain that he'd be horrified. That perhaps it would shatter him so completely that he would flee the Clans themselves. In that terrible instant she was all at once aware of how very fragile Nightrage truly was.

"I was only… p-playing." Sunkit, the ginger tomkit that Nightrage had taken from camp seemed terrified. Junipersong's green eyes grew sad, horrified, despairing as she stared at the trembling form of her friend. The thought that he was just scolding Sunkit seemed so ludicrous to her. Yet she wanted to cling to it, she didn't want to believe it.

That her dear friend was the murderer.

"Do you want to know a _secret_?" Nightrage purred, drawing the word secret out in a manner that was near to that of birdsong. Junipersong's stomach stiffened, her claws slid from their sheaths. "I'm the one… who has been ridding the forest of the naughty little kits just like you."

Her heart stuttered to a stop, and feeling dazed- as if she were dreaming some terrible nightmare -the she-cat stepped forth. She may have spoken his name, for she heard it in her own voice. Yet her mind was so far off, so floored with horror that she couldn't seem to grasp what it was she was truly saying. "Wh… what did you just say?"

Genuine confusion flared in his eyes, yellow as sunlight set in the darkness of his pelt. Nightrage was, as a whole, unextraordinary in appearance. His ink colored pelt was black, with no other mark upon it save the wrinkled scars that his father's claws had bore into his pelt. His head tilted to one side, something very close to concern flared in his eyes. "What are you doing out so late?" The question was so out of place, so strange in the face of the words that echoed in her ears that it stopped her steady advance. His head was tilted to one side, every bit the concerned friend she knew. "You were so tired earlier, I thought you were going to sleep like a rock."

The slightest hint of a purr coated his words, and she remembered their earlier joking with something like dread. Slowly, choosing her words carefully for she feared that her friend's mind was more fragile than the dried herbs she kept in her store, she meowed; "I… noticed you leaving camp. What… Nightrage, what was that you said just now to Sunkit?"

She half had no want to know the answer. Her mind was begging her to wake up, to find that this was but a horrific nightmare inspired by some completely innocent phrases and over-exhaustion. It was strange how she was almost unaware of Sunkit as a whole, her verdant gaze was only for the black-pelted tomcat comfortable under the dark cover of forest shadows.

"He was getting a scolding, weren't you Sunkit?" Nightrage spoke as if he and the kitten shared a great secret (if she had heard correctly then indeed they did, a great and terrible secret) and then his teeth were flashing in the semblance of a smile. Facing her, confusing her with how _familiar_ it was. "I was just making sure he understood that it was bad to go rooting through your stores."

"That…" Junipersong croaked, she shook her head and stepped forward. Her tone came out firm as she continued, her dark tail swept the air behind her, "Isn't your job Nightrage. You can't do that, Sunkit's not your kit."

He appeared as though annoyed, angered slightly. His black tail lashed twice, his teeth flashed in the darkness. "But he'll grow up to be a warrior on of these days, and we can't have naughty warriors." He spoke as though he were not merely convincing her, but himself. Even Sunkit. The black tomcat's struggle for logic in the illogical caused her heart to twist in her chest, and he continued with a bitterness that took her breath away. "I never did a bad thing in my kithood, or apprenticeship. I was a good cat… and I got beat up every day."

Those ocher eyes flashed, her stomach flipped on itself. Dread had replaced doubt, truly she was beyond the stage of doubting. To doubt now would be more akin to denial. Even before he spoke the words, even as her mind shied away from the possibility, she knew in her heart that it was him.

"That's why I've been solving the problem here." Chipper, cheerful, Nightrage spoke as if he'd figured out some great secret cure for a horrible epidemic that had swept the forest. He spoke as if, deep down, he still felt he was being _helpful_ to the Clans.

Her head was spinning, she shook it. As if maybe she could throw the thoughts from her mind by doing so. "Nightrage, what exactly was it that you said when I first came here?" She whispered, fear coiled through her. Fear, suddenly, as the realization that her dear friend was a dangerous murderer rocked her to the core. "The… the secret that you told Sunkit."

"You have no need to fear me Junipersong." Nightrage purred, his head was tilted to the right as he did whenever he was slightly confused on some matter. She'd always found the expression to be kind of cute, but now it only made her heart twist a little. "You see, I love you."

"That's not the- _What?_" The tabby's words caught in her throat, his confession falling headlong into her turmulous mind. Oh… oh StarClan no. Not now, did he have to speak these words now? When she'd so longed to hear him murmur them to her before. Perhaps beneath the stars, with his pelt brushing hers. Why did he have to bring this affection to light in the face of _murder? _Why did he have to remind her that the reason she so strongly rejected the thought of him being the murderer was not merely for their friendship, but because her very heart couldn't take it? Why, she silently wailed, did he have to remind her that she loved him to? That she was ready to hand her Medicine Cat title to her apprentice, and retire to his side? "Nightrage… I…"

"He's the killer Junipersong! Junipersong!" The kitten's caterwaul fell on nearly deafened ears, and she turned her stunned gaze in his direction.

"It's terribly rude to interrupt." Nightrage meowed, and alarm shouldered aside the fog that had descended on her mind as the kit keened in agony. Nightrage had torn a claw into the kitten, who's eyes wouldn't leave her own. Refused to leave her own. A silent plea lit them. Screamed at her to take action. She heard the kitten screaming them even though he didn't speak, _Save me Junipersong! Save me!_ "Pay attention to _me_ Sunkit, not her! I'm the one with your life in my paws!"

His father, just like Darkwhisker- and yet more sinister somehow. He had surpassed even his tormentor in monstrosity, had become far worse than the very thing that had driven him to this. She realized then that her friend had died with his apprentice name. Nightrage was a stranger, a dark monster, and even though she knew the answer she screamed, "Nightrage! What are you doing!"

He smiled at her. This is normal, that smile said, do not be afraid.

"Hold on, I'm almost done." Those ocher eyes flicked to Sunkit's, Junipersong's mind screamed at her. To haul herself to her paws, to barrel into him. Save the kit! They felt like stones, but she burst into motion with a surge of adrenaline so strong that it left her head feeling dizzy. "Sunkit of ThunderClan, your life ends today at these paws-"

Her paws collided with the chorded muscle of his shoulder. Snow-white against ink-black. Light and darkness, and for a wild moment she thought maybe she'd succeeded. The two of them tumbled through the sand, but the keen of Sunkit informed her that he'd been dragged along. As their roll ceased, the small kitten scrambled away and she heaved herself up to do the same- but Nightrage had hooked his hindpaws beneath her and with a mighty kick she was sent tumbling through the air.

She crashed into the sand, disoriented and confused. Her green eyes flashed up to Nightrage, noted that he had the kitten in his grasp and that her attack had been for naught. "Junipersong this is _not _the time to do this. I'm busy at the moment, and you almost ruined everything." He breathed out an irritable sigh, and repeated his earlier words in a rushed manner, "Now, Sunkit of ThunderClan, your life ends today at these paws."

Junipersong lurched to her paws, a yowl lifted from her throat, but in vain. "Wait, Nightrage!"

She froze in place, green eyes stretching wide as the irrefutable proof of witnessing the very act that she so longed to deny Nightrage had any blame of happened before her. A horrid gaping hole was torn in the throat of Sunkit, his vitality and life choked away. She yowled, a wordless sound, and dove for him. Yet even as her snowy paws pressed against that hole, even as they grew red with blood, she knew he was gone.

"I would have rather planned you coming along. Really Junipersong, that was so much trouble, and you almost made it more hectic than perfect." Nightrage spoke in such a calm normal manner that it surprised her. She lifted her eyes from the corpse at her paws, disbelief swimming through them. He truly thought this was normal, truly thought this was all right. "Fox-dung, I didn't get a good view of that fear…"

"Nightrage, what have you done?" Anger, fear, agony, grief- they swept her all at once. Took her in a wave so strong that she found she was trembling. Then she sorted through it, clung to the first, the very emotion that had so spurred her friend to this bloody path, and met his eyes with an angry gaze, "You idiot, what have you _done_!_"_

"Nothing, everything…" The black tomcat backed away from her as though frightened. He looked so much like his young self, untainted by the blood that perverted the air around them, that it tore into her heart. Yet she didn't allow her anger to abate. To let him know that this was a forgivable offense would sicken her further than she already had been sickened. She couldn't take that. "Junipersong, he made you have to do so much work…"

"You _killed_ him Nightrage! You killed him! You're done with this, you're done. We're taking you back to ThunderClan camp, and we're going to let Owlstar deal with you properly. You… Nightrage, you deserve to be exiled for this." Her words poured forth, her anger, her rage, her pain. She felt sick to look at him, sick to know that she had been his friend. Sick to think that she had allowed herself to fall for him. A murderer, a sadistic cat. How could she have ever let her heart be swayed to him?

"But… I love you." Nightrage meowed, those eyes were wide with shock. Complete confusion. She hated those eyes, hated that she had admired them. Hated that she had longed to stare into them as the sun rose, hated that she had hoped to remember those eyes in the hazy days of being an elder. To speak of the strength behind them.

"Nightrage this is wrong. You're _wrong._" She spat the words with as much hatred as she could muster. Longed to shatter his hope that she could ever possibly love him after this- she wanted him to hurt, she realized. It was ironic, in the most terrible of ways. That she longed for him to feel pain. This web of revenge and hate, she'd been wrapped up in it as well.

Her stomach heaved, and she turned her head away. Her eyes fell on the kit, and she felt her heart break. He had so much potential, so much strength and promise for his Clan. He'd been so sweet, and playful- misguided at times yes, but what would a cat do without mistakes? "Oh StarClan I'm sick, I'm sorry Sunkit. I'm so sorry."

"You hate me." Nightrage's cold meow cut her apology short. She felt the fur along her neck rise, lift up and the horror of what she'd done settled into her. His earlier words echoed in her mind, _You have no need to fear me Junipersong. You see, I love you._ She flicked her gaze to him, and froze as fear crept through her. "You hate me."

"Calm down Nightrage…" She whispered, pleaded the words. She'd known he was fragile, had realized moments before, but her anger had taken her so completely that she'd become blind to reason. Forgot that he was dangerous, truly dangerous, and sick. Perhaps sicker than any patient she'd ever had in her den.

"That's what my father asked of me." Nightrage spat, claws sliced at her. The she-cat darted to the left, but a paw slammed hard against her head. She was knocked senseless, her small frame thrown to the sand underpaw. Dizziness blossomed to life and she scrambled up. Pain exploded in her muzzle as claws tore at the fur and flesh there, left deep rivets that would surely scar- if she were to survive.

"Your father…" Junipersong croaked, Nightrage was on her. Throwing her against the packed sand in a manner that tore a yowl from her throat. Pain flooded through her as his claws tore, over and over again through her pelt. Ripped fur out, and blood dripped over her flank. She wailed in pain, but he seemed deaf to it. Blind even, to the agony she was in.

"You! All for you!" He snarled, rage coated his words and she felt something click into place. Slide home. "You told me it was wrong. You! I did it because _you_ let me know!"

Accusation rang harsh through his yowls. Pain blossomed in her heart, she remembered telling him to stand up. To stop being weak, to take some semblance of control from the tomcat. Yet she had offered only half-hearted promises to help him. She had told no cat about Darkwhisker, had feared him herself. She _let _Darkwhisker haul his son to the brink of insanity itself.

She had, truly, never lifted a paw to end his suffering. Every amount of pain he suffered since she'd discovered his secret, every step into the darkness on blood-coated paws… StarClan, it was her fault. She'd allowed this to happen. Her warrior ancestors had even _warned_ her.

_A great anger shall rise from the darkness with no light to guide it. A thirst will be born- a thirst that shall not be quenched, even in death._ It had been telling her, that if she did not rise up to guide Nightrage from the dark path he'd set his paws upon, he'd fall into an unquenchable thirst for blood. She'd ignored it, and as a result she'd doomed her friend. Deaths of kits fell on her shoulders, the sanity of her friend, the cat she'd loved.

"My fault," She gagged. She was released, and she limped away. The physical pain she felt could not compare, even slightly, to the agony that tore through her heart. To the realization that it was because of her that her friend was like this. She had failed in guiding him, as StarClan had wished, failed in guiding him as she should have done because she _loved_ him. "I… I did this to you, oh Nightrage…"

Grief tore at her heart.

"You did _nothing_. I was born this way!" His denial, his desire to shoulder his anger and hatred. Perhaps, she thought, it wasn't too late. She was his light. She could guide his paws to the right path, could fixthe wrongs he'd done. Somehow she would. "Useless, wrong! Useless! Wrong! Useless! Wrong!"

"No, you were… shaped…" She croaked. Grief closed her throat, choked her as Sunkit's blood had choked him. "And it was all my fault, all… all Darkwhisker's fault. Nightrage. I _know_ you're still you. Some part of you in there… is my friend… is… the cat… the cat that loves me."

Silently she added, _The cat that I love._

"Broken, you broke him." Nightrage meowed, his tone dropping into a timid tenor. Wounded, shattered to his very core. She wanted to wail for him, to lift her muzzle to the sky and cry out in grief and agony for his broken soul.

"I'm sorry," She croaked. "I did… I… I love you Nightrage. I really di-… do."

"Love me?" The question had the tomcat opposite her squeezing his eyes shut. She watched as his tense muscles relaxed, and relief flooded with her through the silence that dropped on the forest. The she-cat stared at the bloodied corpse of Sunkit.

They could leave, the Clan. She couldn't take him back to ThunderClan, she saw that now. If he suffered punishment of exile it would only brighten the flames of his anger, and that anger would be focused on them. No, the best she could do was take him from this place. Become a mentor of sorts to him, and teach him once again kindness, compassion, and love.

Perhaps, she thought with the slightest stab of hope, she could even redeem him in the eyes of StarClan. For it was not his fault alone that he had fallen into such darkness of his soul. Surely StarClan saw that, saw that it was her duty, as they had whispered to her those moons ago, to keep his soul safe. It wasn't his fault he had fallen, but hers.

She would fix this wrong.

She limped close to him, let her eyes meet his. Gentle warmth flooded her gaze, and she felt a stab of affection mingle with the grief in her heart. He looked so tormented, in that moment, as if he were fighting some great inner battle. "Let's… go home Nightrage." She murmured, she'd get some travelling herbs and they'd leave under the cover of night. Surely dawn was still far off? "We'll get this all figured out, all right?"

"Junipersong of ThunderClan…" Nightrage meowed, his voice was so sad. So piteous and wretched, and yet there was a decision in the words that froze every muscle in her body. His eyes, they looked like dead things. Free of any sort of light. He smiled, but they didn't light those ocher colored orbs, "Junipersong of Nightrage's heart. Today your life ends. By these paws… I give you StarClan itself."

She hadn't the time to move, before claws tore the soft flesh of her throat. The wound was deep, mortal, and as she lost the use of her back legs and reeled backwards her vision flickered. She thudded to the ground, her breath was shallow, and she looked up at Nightrage.

The cat she had loved. The cat she had failed. He was haloed by the light of the stars, but they vanished into nothingness behind the black expanse of his pelt. She knew, profoundly, that they would part now. That their chances of meeting once again were impossible. Somehow, even in the face of her own death, this was more shattering than the loss of her life. There was so much grief and love on his face, and as darkness blotted out the stars and her soul was swept up to them she let that vision burn on her mind.

_I'm sorry…_


End file.
